My Past Diaries

11/08/2013

Dear Diary,

Long time, i don’t meet with you. So make me so miss. How are you ? Hopefully you always in good health. 

Heeem, No story that I can tell today. But yesterday we have been lebaran. So our life will start again from zero zero. And it’s great moment to correct our mistake. 

And today, my love younger brother will be come. I’m so miss him. This is our first time that we don’t gather in this lebaran. So, I feel it’s different without him.

So many changing from his self. Strat from his character until his act. Ya, I feel happy because of their changing toward to good action. And I have promissed to my self that I have to make all of my younger brother and sister successfull in their life future. I have to make my parents proud with us,

Well, tomorrow I will go to Malang. To finishing everything of my duty, everything of my job and everything of my task. Good bye

20/07/2012

Dear Diary,

I always happy to run my life. Try to smile for every one. Try to forget all problem in my life. I believe that Allah will give me inspiring. Just Allah the only one who able to help and accompany me in every situation and condition. But I always ignore Him and make Him be second one. 

Even, yesterday I done something that made Him ill maybe. World have made desroyed all.

I have to change. I can’t walking my life still stable like this. Tomorrow is special day. Ramadhan have come. I have to ask wolcome and do activity to repair my self. I have to be people who can usefull for each other. I will try to increase my amalan yaumi than I will make giood history. The best prestation only for Allah and people arround me aspecially my parents, my younger brother and sister.

Binka, I will not ignore this opportunity. This is gold change from Allah. I still able to meet with Ramadhan. Bye Binka ^

21/06/2012

Dear Diary,

Binka, today I just already come back to Malang again. So many activity that shoud I do. Binka, tomorow I’ll do examination and until now I’m not still do preparation yet. Hmmmm, May I do it tomorrow?

I Just already enjoy my holiday in the home. Actually, I should feel happy. Because I have gathered with my family. But when I was at home, I felt far from Allah. Home had made me in comfort zone. So that I was lazy to do anything.

But, I have promise to my self that I’ll pay it. During Im in home, I do many mistakes and to pay it I’ll add my amalan yaumi as totaly my mistakes that have done. Ya, as far as only fifth. One by one, will be changed. Allah, please give me apologize. I’m so very afraid If you will far from me because of my mistakes. I wont ask promise to you because Ihave been lie to you about my fasting if You give me easy of finishing PKM’s report. I’m so very sorry Allah. ^^

15/06/2012

Dear Diary,

Long time I don’t write yet. About my self and my life. Im so terrible sorry, At present Im so very busy. Many activity can’t arrange well. This time is noisy and importent moment to decide UB’s destiny. About dakwah and the continuableness. 

Binka, I have to finish my end PKM report. Than I will get money again. Because of in the past time Rektorat just give me 50% money from DIKTI. Binka, can I do it? Time is limited. I know that it’s my mistake. Why am I not do it when I has spare time. Actually the totally of money a little bit big. Plus minus 3 million. I have to take it. Suppose I don’t take it, it’s will be fortunated by Rektorat. I’ll try to finish it. Bismillah, Allah please help me. Give me easyness  to do all. 

Ya allah, If I can finish this report today, and get my residual found I will fasting tomorrow. It’s my promise. This Laptop and all of thing in my room be a witness.

Bismillah, Can Can Can ^^

22/05/2012

Dear Diary,

I believe this is Your giveness. I don’t know how’s my life in the future. No one know about that. But, must be planted in our self is Allah won’t ignore His Kholiq. Then, who will decide our life. Yes, our selves exactly. Actually, I’m afraid. I’m afraid when i’m in comfort zone. It will make me can’t survive when life’s examination try to exam me. Ya of course, In my life previously, when i was not involve in campuss activity yet. I always fight. Even, for searching food it’s feel very difficult. So, I can survive in difficult situation. But now, I feel in comfort zone. And i’s make me more weak than me in the past. 

I always spent many time for useless activity. Even, I always sleep more than 5 year per day. Astaghfirulloh. Allah, apologize me please. Ok, bye Binka. Hopefully tomorrow will be better than today. I’ll try to repair and repair. Because, if I still like this, Impossible I can reach my dream. ^^

18/04/2012

Dear Diary,

Meet again with examination. Huft, I don’t know how’s the result. Because I never study when tomorrow will do the examination.

I confused, Why almost my friends prepare it when exam’s day will began. Where are they in lecturers explanation?

As I know that, examination is one of manner to test our ability. Is as far learning program, we understood or not. So, whenever and whatever the examination done, we have to ready. Because, we have been run leraning process three months ago.

In fact, almost my friend are busy to search many literature when day’s examination near. Whereas, I think it’s useless activity. In addition, the reality show that they still don’t understand althought they do anything. Keep honest and do all of well.

Believe that Allah always beside us and will help us in every situation. 

I can predict that next semeter will be better. ^^

02/04/2012

Dear Diary,

Prepare, prepare and prepare. Must be change or I will loss the good momentum. Binka, You know that I have been run the holiday start from  Friday. So, I have walked 3 days holiday. But, Until now, no result. Huft, I’m not productive. I don’t know when I will always survive is.

Binka, do you know that this week will be done middle examination. I know that Allah is very good. He still give me opportunity to learn again. You know that I have lossed many lesson. I more give priority to do my other amanah than study. In addition, something that make this condition more serious is until now I still don’t have time to study. 

But, I have promissed with my self that I will spent my time more usefull start from now.

Binka, yesterday I spared my time with useless activity like chatting, etc. Do you know that I have done wrong action so that make one of boy addreess me. It’s make me shy. Today must be better ^^

20/03/2012

Dear Diary

Binka, after a long holiday. Today, I must go to Campuss again. Of Course, I must run my activity same like usually. My time will decrease. So, I must able to manage my time well. I must get perfect GPA.

My dream in this semester is hard bit. In my list of life maping, Just some which can be reached. I must different with all. I must show that I better than them.

Binka, Actually in this semester I feel afraid bit. You know, In the past semester I only gotten the magic from Allah. It’s help from Him. So that, I can get good GPA. But, I will effort. I believe that Allah never leave me. 

Hechm, Today I have many activity. It’s difficult for me to handling all of it, to make all of it perfectly. But, I will effort to give best. Give the best, get the best. I hope today will better than yesterday. Keep smile ^_^

19/03/2012

Dear Diary,

Hechm, I’m so very tired. Ya, Yesterday I was Climb at beach. Althougt It’s make my body so sick but I enjoyed it. A Long time I hope I can climb. I want same like Etos Bogor which their founding is very sensational. 

I will tell when I went to IPB. In the last day I stayed at their dormitory/asrama. Then, I were meeting them when they went home from mountain. 

I was very amazing when I heard their story. Of Course, theif founding different with us. 

During I have been following the founding in Malang, I never feel something special from it. After I had anaylised, I knew that the problem come from my self. I don’t have good purpose. Not for Allah. So thatall of my knowledge with getting from it can’t catched.

One valuable lesson is we must enjoy in every situation. To be Cont,,,

09/02/2012

Dear Diary

Binka, I want tell  about my life. I feel that I’m very fortunate. Although sometimes I also fell very down. Ya of course, this is examination. When we can run it, Allah will raise our degree. What should we do? The most important is we alwasy positif thinking to Him.

I’’m not always happy. Sometimes, the world doesn’t support our willingness. But, It’s fighting. 

I also don’t know, what’s the purpose of our fighting. Because start from children, I fell that life is hard. For getting something, I must work hardly. World have made me strong, made me different with other.

Binka, Sometimes I confused. Why there is opposite in the world. There are girl and boy, rich and poor, young and old. Why I born from parents that poor. It’s make every my desireability must be gotten hardly. But It’s make me be excellent.

07/01/2012

Dear Diary

Today is my examination day  which third day from behind. I have been confident that I can do the question well. But it’s different with the reality. I can’t do it. In the class I adoubt about my answer. I’m confused. I feel something which not completed from my answer.

After finished, I get out from class immediatelly. And I still be able to speak with one of my classmate. Then I have just know that my answer is wrong.

In this exam, lecturer just give 2 question. When one of answer is wrong it’s mean that we have been lose half of our value.

Now, I only can pray. Hopefully, The magic can given by Allah. Whereas, before the exam started, I have made commitment that I will make it maximally. 

Yah. Just surrender to Allah now

06/12/2011

Dear Diary,

Binka, I’m very tired. Today, I arround my faculty to introduce one people who will nominate to become president and DPM.

I have a bit dissapointed. Of course, I don’t receive information anything about campanye today. I have checked  to my friend, she is also confuse to manage it. And I can understand. I can’t blame her. I try to see my self point. If I attended in evaluation meeting, I won’t miss information. But today I have tried to be better. Binka, actually Im very afraid about my study. After I’m out from hospital, I feel I don’t study maximally. Even, I ever imitate task from my friend. I wan’t do it alone, but impossible. I still don’t have time to learn more same like my friends. They can get good grade because of study oriented. It’s different with me. But I believe that Allah always listening always understanding. Bye Bin

01/12/2011

Dear Diary.

Long time, we don’t meet. And without predicted, we have in the last month. The big reflection. What’s prestation which have been succesfully reached?

What are you doing during 11 years Eka? Have you give contribution to Allah?

Have you calculate how many pleasant which given by Allah? Or  you still busy to reach other ?

It’s not wrong. But it’s must balancing with our thank to Him. Allah have given all of to you. So many. It’s not very suitable when we always arrogant. I have heard statement for someone. It’s very ‘naif’ when we don’t ask thank for everything which done in our life.

Binka, this hand hard to write. Im sorry, I have loose my habit to meet with you and tell about my activity. I don’t clever for managing time. 

Ok Bin, bye bye

03/11/2011

Dear Diary

Binka, I don’t same again with I’m in past. If you know. I didn’t work again. I can’t help my parents again. Binka, seldom I think that Allah not fair to me. It’s right? I’m sad, when my mind  ask about it.

Bin, this pace very hard to walk. But, It’s not the probem. I’m very miss with my past time. I miss with my fighting so that I can here today. I feel that I’m in comfort zona now.

Binka, my hand don’t know to write again. Bin, my life today very different with past. I must believe that it’s Allah story. Inspirated by statement from my supervisor “we don’t know what will done to us. We must just do it well”

Bin, Im very missing with my friend in madiun. If I can play the time. I want to move. I don’t predict that Im be adult now. Allah, please guide my pace.....

01/11/2011

Dear diary

Binka, Im very happy. Because I was able went to Bogor, Institut Pertanian Bogor. I can know many people from other side. Subhanallah. Allah have given us anugrah. So that our paper can passed an be the winner.

But, I also confused. I don’t follow middle test yet. I know the result of middle test will give contribution in last result. It’s will influence with my IP.

I’ll try to ask with my lecture. If I can’t maximize my grade in one lesson, I must get point plus in other side. But how I can? If you know, I seldom attend in the class.Ok, I know that I still have some meeting after middle. But, I will meet with other lecturer. So that It’s still difficult for me

I just can pray to Allah. I hope Allah will help me in my condition now. Give right way so that I  still can get good IP. I mind that study is small thing. It’s lesson for me.

26/10/2011

Dear diary,

Binka, Im confuse now. I must go to hospital to check up again. But, I don’t know who people can accompany me go there?

I have made Mb Deny, my supervisor sick. Maybe she feel offended when I asked that I don’t want reminded again by her. Ya Bin, I was emotion at that time. I don’t predict that this impact of my asking. Bin, what should I do? No people give attention to me. Im very arrogant. I feel that I can do all without whoever.

But, I wrong. I try to change my bad habit now. I ll try to repair my ask and my act. But all of have done. I can’t return the condition again. Bin, im very afraid asking appologize to her. Im confused..

Ok Bin, I hope, I ll get well so on. I’ll effort to instropection my self. Is my action today useful for other side?

Thanks ya Bin. wsalam

24/10/2011

Dear Diary, 

Amazing day. Very surprized. Don’t predicted that today I will get praise from my lecturer. I never attend in this lesson Bin, but I don’t know I can get it. I always afraid if I can’t follow. I try to study alone. But, until now I weren’t doing it. I also don’t know, what’s for my time?

Today, I have many tasks. Huh, until now I didn’t do it yet. I don’t know what will happen. But, I’ll always think all is well. I want can have good management of time and it’s regularry.

Every day. I want to make my self better. I try to instropection my self. I don’t want my ask and my act will make other side sick. Binka, please remind me if I forget. Today, I and some etoser’10 have shared, all of our problem. I hope after it will be better. Amin

Ok Bin, see you tomorrow. I hope I can do my task well. Amin

Wasalam

23/10/2011

Dear diary,

Binka, yesterday was tired day. I must follow Etos founding since morning until evening. After that, still continue by syuro’ ETOS. So that, when it finished, I went to bed immediatelly. 

Ya. excatly you can predict that  I didn’t pray yet. Fortunatelly, I can wakeup at 01.30. so that i can do it before i do my activity today. 

And today, I think my day will full again. There are many activity such us Ristek event, tarbawi event and etos founding.

Well, I hope today will be better. And it’s can influence next day.

Bin, I forget to give you information. I ever prommised that I will not contact bang edi again, without whatever reason. It’s difficult. But, I’ll always keep it.

Ok Bin, bye. Get well today for me and you. 

Wasalam

22/10/2011

Dear Diary, 

Binka. My activity doesn’t productive. I have spent my time just for sleep more.

Examination will be come once week again. Can I prepare it well?

Bin, today i ll  take founding and i think it’s will make me bored. Ya, the matery today is tilawatil Qur’an. Oke, it’s good. But, I can’t. I want can read Al ur’an well same like Mb ajeng.

Oh ya Bun, Mb Ajeng is my last supervisor. I like her because she is very friendly and  I feel comfort if I beside her. But now she have been out from here.

Ya, I ll try to be patient like her. And I belive that beatuy not come from our face but from our ketaqwaan level. Oya, I also want can keep my speaking,my thinking and my acting.

Ok bin, I ll prepare my self for get well today. Thank’s for all

Wasalam

21/10/2011

Dear Diary,

Binka...how are you today. Iam happy, alhamdulillah i have finished my relationship with some lecturer. Ya, althought I get many tak but i thing it’s not too difficult. 

Bin, i had written in my life maping that i wil follow student exchange. I have asked to some people for consider it and some people disagree with my willing. Ya, I know that they are adoubt with my condition. They afraid, can I survive at there. 

Beside that I also don’t have toefl result yet. I will try. I hope, I can be invited to interview. And what I want? I want to know how far my capability in English. If I can accepted  to folllow student exchange. I won’t go there. It’s just trying.

Well Bin, bye. I hope tomorrow will be better. 

wasalam

03/10/2011

Dear diary,

Bin, alhamdulillah i have been out from hospital. Yeah, if you know that i have just been sick..and it’s too hard. I have predicted before, that any trouble in my lung. Ya, I was clarified that I  was infected  by TB Bactery..it’s make me deprecy. And you know, when i was in hospital. Aspecially, when I will move to infection room, I feel that allah is not fair for me.

But, I thank God. You have given me many friend who they accompanied me when i was being sick.

And now, I’m enduring healing time. Well, I must use medicine regullary until 6 months. It’s very hard. But its for goodness of my life in the future. I’ll try.

Okey bin, I believe that you always accompany me in anything situation. And Allah, I also believe that You love me with your exam. wasalam

18/09/2011

Dear Diary,

Alhamdullah bin, we have already finished our big event. Event which had been prepared until 4 month ago. 

Ya, it’s very urprised. I didn’t predict that the audience will come so much. Even, it’s make us be commitee very confused. But, alhamdulillah the event can run well. Althougt not perfect and we will have problem in the future. Ya,excatly about the found. But, we are believe that if we aways help Allah’s religion, allah also will  help us. So don’t afraid.

Subhannallah. When I met oky, i was very surprised. She was very beatuful. But, I couldn’t photo with her. I n fact, It’s good chance I can meet her. 

Ya, I hope next time. I’ll get good time to meet her. And I hope, I can be women that have beauty inside beauty outside.

Wasalam

01/09/2011

Dear diary,

First, I want ask to you minal adzin wal faizin. I apologize if any mistake. And I also want ask thank to you because you have accompanied me. You always be my friend in anything situation. Binka, do you know why I dont fill the next page. In fact, you know that the page still has space. Do you want to know my reason? Ya, because i want to left the page. I want to start new page, zero paper. Its mean that I want to begin my life from zero. And i’ll write it better than past .

Bin, I want to repair my life. I want my life in this year useful. I can give advantage to other. And i want many people love me. In the past, I had done many mistake. And I promise that i’ll try for not repeat again.

Ya allah, give your permission to me. And I hope you always accompany me. Byee..

WASALAM

12/07/2011

Dear Diary,

Just waiting. I just can do it. I can’t do anything. 

My life always walk and walk. But, I still constant. I don’t know. Maybe something wrong with my self. I have willingness, but why no spirit inside?

No change. In fact, I know that I need  acceleration. Because I have been late. 

I always give priority to happiness. Almost of my time have used to sleep. Ya, it’s bad. 

I can’t avoid from syaiatn’s temptation. Everyday, I try to fulfil my planing and use my time maximally. But, laziness always arond me.

I don’t know, maybe Iam a loose people. I can’t do better than past time. Ya allah, please guide me. Hopefull, I can use my time with good activity. 

Allah, only to You. I can tell more. I always forget to you. Iam sorry ya allah.........bye

01/07/2011

Dear diary,

Study and study again ? when’s until? In life, all of is learning. And test can come without predicte before. Then, whenever, whatever and whereever we have to ready. 

If we get the bad result. It’s show our process. Because bad output not come from input, but from the process, so, we must intropection. 

And now, I don’t afraid again with bad grade. Because it’s my ability. And after it,  i will change. It’s be my obligation. Always muhasabah and muhasabah. Give the best. 

In this day, i will do statistic examination. And I can’t do anything. Upz, sorry. Actually, I may not ask it. Allah have given us goodeness and weakness. Beside that, my statement previous means that im not optimis again. And world will suport what we think. So that, keep spirit and istiqomah. Allah will give the best for you....Bye all.

28/06/2011

Dear diary,

When we always positif thingking, world will support us to make it success. It’s difficult for me. I always feel that I can’t be perfect. Certainly, nothing perfectly in this world. But, I want to know my capability. 

If I know some people who expert in their  sector. I always want to imitate them. And still know, I don’t know, what’s factor which I must join?

In my faculty, I always afraid. Is my chosen right? Even, sometime I confuse. Althoght I have life maping. And I consider that I can reach it but I still doubt. Why? Because, I think that almost of my effort is failed. I can’t do it totality. Because of my focuses must be divded. 

And now, I have shared to my supervisor. I hope that he can give me good sugestion. As I know that he can profetional  in his life. I just waiting. Ok, Bye

15/06/2011

Dear diary,

Today, i feel not useful. I dont know whats my action which make other people helped. 

I feel my time expelled meaningless. Actually, i have many task in acounting lesson. And until now, i dont do it. I still enjoy with my other activity which i dont know whats the function. 

Tomorrow must be collected. And i dont know what will happen with me. Maybe, in other side almost my friends are being busy to do it.

I believe that i can do it. Actually i know that i will need many times to do it. But i have Allah, who will help me.

I just try to fulfil my schedule, my daily activity. I want that my obligation which have been note can run perfectly. I want, everyday i can do it. I hope, it will be my habit. And habit will be decide my life future

Enough from me. Bye..

10/06/2011

Dear diary,

When we have decided our life’s way, it show that we have known our self. Its good news, but is it right? Is it our way really really right? Meke us happy till the end. Dont forget, life in world just a moment. And we wiil eternal in akhirat. Have we prepare it? Or we still  amazed with beautiful world?Allah, this way really make  me tired. But i still survive in your way. Please make me strong again, Dakwah, it is my purpose in this life. But, it’s so hard. You have chosen me. And i only can submit to one’s fate, excactly you, Allah. Thanks Allah, you still  lead me. Please, always show me the right way. Make my intention straight. Certain us that there are many way to do right, and here i have many friend who help me. And we will meet in your heaven. Please, give us permission. Allah, You always beside me. But, i often forget it. Give me forgiveness, ALLAH...

07/06/2011

Dear diary,

The way for dakwah is very long. Which in there is needed  sacrifice. I have heard that “dakwah is love. So, we must give all  from us to it. Cost, time, energy, etc.

Hopefull , we can get the best result from Allah, his heaven.

Now. I try to make all of my activity be learning. And i can get positif  efect when i do it. I fell more sincere than usually. And  i believe that the end of it well. 

After it, when i do somerthing, i will make and change my purpose just for my god, Allah. I try managing and treating my heart . To be better.

All of my activity. Everywhere and everytime, all of is dakwah. I will walk it. Cause i have chosen it be my life’s purpose.

Ya allah, give me ease to do it. And please, make me strong and survive. Hopefully can get syahid dead in your way. Amin.....

25/05/2011

Dear diary

In my notes today, i hope can better than yesterday. Hopefully can give good action to each other, be people who can useful for other.

Diary, im confused to whom i can tell about it. I want to ask about my problem. Its very hard for me. I want to share all   of   load. I have many task, not only in one organization. I feel not nice.  I have take injury to other.

Actually, i have tried to divide my time. But still can give full contribution. And yesterday, i was cry. But, i had submitted  all to Allah. A great spiriter in my life. I fell satisfied  when i had  told and  submit to one’s fate. Just him my helper. He always accompany me in all of condition. Bad or good , well or not i can fell his attending.

But, Iam regret. I always forget. And more interest in the beautiful world. Im sorry.

15/04/2011

Dear diary,

In my notes today, no speciall  event. Alhamdulillah i have finished middle examination.  Actually, i still have one subject at other day. Today is Wednesday and i must do exam again at Monday. After it, insya allah its realy really finish. But, its not time  to enjoy. I still have many amanha. But, insya allah Tuesday. I wil go home. I am very miss with my family. And i will  real use my time to gather with them 

And now, what iam i do. I must finish my paper  with mbak yanti and akh robert. And i hope, our idea can useful and give bad impact at the future. 

I have heard that the most important to make paper its not be the winner, but your idea can give future to other.

The pearl word today is “fight is hard and bitter, because heaven is sweet.